Saturday, January 24, 2009

Adulthood, part one

I've been questioning my religious identity as a Pagan for quite a while now. Eight years ago, very few things made me as proud as waving the pentacle or the "God Herself" flag, especially because of the zest for life, reverence for death as a natural force, and the freedom from the oppression of gender it represented to me. But then, as I grew older, I began noticing nuances (that word...) in general, collective pagan behaviour that made me progressively more uncomfortable, until a few very particular, widely publicized pagan notions began, frankly, scarying the shit out of me. Today, and for the past two years or so, it's namely the certainty that owning a cunt gives you power of "choice" over life and death. Life and death of other people. And then masking it with a ritual to the Goddess of the Woodland presumably makes murder look natural.

When I was young, stupid and blocked, I believed that one chose a religious path because of the value of the theories professed along it. These days, being definetely much of an adult the kid I was wanted to be when he grew up, I know one decides on and chooses his Religion, his social circle, his general experience on Planet Earth, which is still my Deity, and certainly his community by the way they feel; and I also know that identity is an individual merit. I'm NOT going to associate with money-hungry, power-hungry ego-maniacs who make me feel threatened and disturbed. Starhawk's books in the 80s used to be mostly about Preservation and Restoration, and look at all this shit now.

I've been huge on Abraham(-Hicks)'s teachings lately, and I'm working on becoming an allower. The Law of Allowing, of all three Universal Laws Abe teaches, is the most difficult to grasp, but I'm slowly coming to dig it. And even though I know it states that I need to allow others to be who they want to be and do whatever they want to do, I don't have to take in anybody else's personal laws made up on vanity, ignorance and very conditional love. Or love of conditions, actually. Murderers are people desperately unable to allow, so they try the last resort on the table. (And please don't mask abortion with maturity and "Adulthood". First, Adulthood is a very personal and intimate notion created by each adult, since each of us achieve our personal Break Even Point in a different moment, and look at ourselves differently by then. Second, in Spain, where abortions are fully legal, 90% of them are performed by women younger than 19 years old, and in my physical and non-physical experience, all abortions were/are performed by women not really older than that. Abortion is immaturity and total inability to deal with one's own system, sexual life and, for one thing, creative powers of lifegivingness.)

I still love my friends in São Paulo, and I'm still attending all public rituals whenever I'm in town, since I love the memories of my youth. But all public references to Paganism on all my profiles in the Internet and the rest of my social life, are going to go. I'm responsible for my identity, image and religious (political) stand.

I'm so sorry my ex-religion is so twisted by perversions, like practically all religions before it.