Midwinter '09

Earlier this calendar-year, I wished for a professional direction, a career path I could dedicate myself to and feel whole, replenished and profoundly rewarded; and I painted my Daruma doll's right eye. This Autumn, I began teaching English and Portuguese, and for the first time ever I experience both a sharp consciousness and a keen responsibility, as well as serenity and satisfaction, intertwined in a very organic way while winning my bread. I am poor, and I know Summer will be financially challenging since most students and schools won't hire me for the Summer months, but I wouldn't trade this feeling of rightness for any money in the world. I'm just not that kind.

In wondrous synchronicity with this alignment, projects and dreams I had deemed false and fantasy, and ditched along the past few months, have returned to my life naturally. And lost-case investments I had taken on naturally withered and disappeared somehow.

Like a river effortlessly finding its course to the Ocean and nourishing all beings along the way, personal truth cascades over my life and bathe me in simple bliss, while washing away the lies and expectations with Webdesign and an office slave lifestyle. I'm now back to my Portuguese-Music tandem, fully landed on the Musical Path my Inner Being craved so much for, and allowing this grounding to remodel my perceptions of the world by experimenting with tonal patterns. The fresh air that Tantra brought to my spiritual path has been blowing my mind in such a way that I don't even need to consciously cast the circle, ground and center to invite its wisdom in and inspire me, breathing deep and true love into all my three souls. I'm not only cooking more, but letting the fire of my creativity transform aspects of my life, burn away the crap and actually nourish me. And now that I finally have time to attend my German lessons, I'm learning so much about how all of this fits together that I'm convinced Wittgenstein was right. Language is a gift of Spirit. It's not just the limits-of-my-language = limits-of-my-world thing. The equation goes much deeper, and I'm sure Ludwig could see that.

Now I can, too. And I don't know if it'll help Daruma see it, too, but keeping my promise, tonight I gave him his left eye. Now I know what I should dedicate myself to for money, wisdom, love, truth and the whole shebang.

I'm whole, and I'm absolutely blessed tonight.

I wish you a blessing Winter Solstice.