Friday, February 24, 2006


That is my worst poison. Every little bad thing that happens will stress me out real bad, and I will, as the portuguese saying goes, 'start a storm on a glass of water'. Every bright thing that happens to me will make me crave for more of that and stalk it more and more. Every dull and neutral day will make me create another Holy Grail just to fill the existential vacancy.

Right now, my greatest source of anxiety is finding a way to move abroad legally, because I cannot stand being far from my boyfriend much longer. He lives across the Atlantic, and even though I have a right to European citizenship, it's gonna take forever. And I cannot afford forever to be with him. I love him and I want him right now and forevermore.

Also, my anxiety always raises when I sit on the piano. I thought my biggest block was having this boring electronic keyboard to study only, no real piano with heavy keys for dynamic interpretation. But I discovered on Wednesday a piano available to use in a club I am part of near my house. I can book an hour a day from Tuesday to Sunday if I want, and that is what I am doing, but as soon as I sit on it, I get all anxious with the exercises, scales, arpeggios and studies. That just drives me crazy, because I want to just sit and play along.

Julia Cameron teaches to use the Anxiety for something, but I have been failing to learn this Alchemy...