Being a solitary in the Craft, even and especially if temporary, is an opportunity to filter, summarize, potentialize and run all the lore you've garnered through the test of time. Currently, I'm living the consequences of my decisions over the past years that led me from being a very active public witch to a kitchen magician, journaling regularly and exploring rabbit's holes mostly by himself--though I'll admit having confidants and lurking in a few Internet discussion groups just to keep me grounded in the social experience. Maybe it shouldn't be surprising that my blog, once avidly read and commented on by a considerable number of people, is now written for very few, very faithful visitors.
The withdrawal from a very positively and affirmatively responding community was so hard a strike that it blinded me for many months, and now I begin to see clearly my possibilities and open doors. And, instead of lassoing fluttering lore from the other side of this world and dragging it down to where it just might not belong to, I'm consolidating my personal lore and bringing together my magical tools and tricks. And in the process, bringing together this world and Faery, too.
I'm slowly but steadily incorporating all the intense creative explorations and artistic trainings of these Golden (past three) Years to the very pre-basic stuff: grounding, centering, connecting with the Bird Spirit. Stuff almost all witches I have met live or over the Web never really understood. Earthed, I let the seeds grow free and with dignity. Anchored in my Center, I let the whirlwind draw near what is rightfully part of my Truth, and sweep away what is meant to go. Connected, I listen more to Divine Guidance than bickerings and ill feelings, and journal what needs to be recorded with more intelligence.
Every now and then, though, the bad gremlin still sticks its head out of its lonesome warren and torments me with all the lies they fed me together with drugs when I was a kid. This is my current challenge: let go of my attachment to this shit. I am not isolating myself from the world, I am not drowning in Fantasy. I am not ruining my life. I am building a new, much more dignified one. I am diving in the Mystery of the Self. In my own way.
Image: "Solitude", unknown artist but found on Unicornlady.net.
The withdrawal from a very positively and affirmatively responding community was so hard a strike that it blinded me for many months, and now I begin to see clearly my possibilities and open doors. And, instead of lassoing fluttering lore from the other side of this world and dragging it down to where it just might not belong to, I'm consolidating my personal lore and bringing together my magical tools and tricks. And in the process, bringing together this world and Faery, too.
I'm slowly but steadily incorporating all the intense creative explorations and artistic trainings of these Golden (past three) Years to the very pre-basic stuff: grounding, centering, connecting with the Bird Spirit. Stuff almost all witches I have met live or over the Web never really understood. Earthed, I let the seeds grow free and with dignity. Anchored in my Center, I let the whirlwind draw near what is rightfully part of my Truth, and sweep away what is meant to go. Connected, I listen more to Divine Guidance than bickerings and ill feelings, and journal what needs to be recorded with more intelligence.
Every now and then, though, the bad gremlin still sticks its head out of its lonesome warren and torments me with all the lies they fed me together with drugs when I was a kid. This is my current challenge: let go of my attachment to this shit. I am not isolating myself from the world, I am not drowning in Fantasy. I am not ruining my life. I am building a new, much more dignified one. I am diving in the Mystery of the Self. In my own way.
Image: "Solitude", unknown artist but found on Unicornlady.net.
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4 comments:
The withdrawal from a very positively and affirmatively responding community was so hard a strike that it blinded me for many months
I'm experiencing this right now, not only because Tribe has been essentially dead for the last week, but because of attrition in a lot of my friendships.
For an extravert such as I, it's very difficult, when the bulk of my external relating has always been with people, to create ways of relating meaningfully with inanimate things—or to practice the discipline of going inward to find my gratification. It takes a lot more energy from sources I'm not used to tapping.
Just sit with it. Eventually, you'll realise the moment is an opportunity.
Yeah, if there's one thing I've learned from living with depression, it's that waiting things out usually brings changes that can be incorporated into new patters.
The worst thing that can happen is that I have to sit still and look--which, in the end, will probably serve me well, anyway.
You probably remember that I'm into study of the Enneagram, which says that my type (designated as Eight) tends to retreat into oneself under stress. I used to think of this as being a cop-out, but as I've re-read the literature, I've seen that fleeing in the direction of one's stress-refuge isn't necessarily a bad thing at all. In my case, it gives me the chance to wait and observe instead of trying to power through, which is the typical MO of Eights...
I agree with your re-reading. And actually, I've been training myself in the idea that behaviour movements are seldom a "bad thing". There are a few types of behaviours, some more socially accepted, some more effective and self-affirming, some just downright stupid. But the only type that needs actually be changed are the abusive/violent ones. And the ones you choose to change out of your own volition, of course.
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