Friday, September 14, 2007

Couldn't help!

1. Who was the last person to call you baby? Can't recall, but probably somebody being sarcastic.
2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart? Not always. In Sampa, when shopping at the HUGE supermarket, there was no means to return the car by myself when leaving the super-busy place. When at the small version two blocks from my old home, I always did. In Spain we don't use carts.
3. If you had to kiss the last person you kissed, would you? Yes.
4. Has someone ever sang a song to you? Yes. I had a boyfriend who was a singer-songwriter once, and he used to sing to me everything he wrote. I was probably the only person who had ever heard his songs by then.
5. Do you play Sudoku? No, and I feel secretly guilty for that. I simply can't buy this brain-boosting hysteria that's swept over the whole of Humanity now. Besides, I hate mathematics. I can't concentrate enough to do calculus.
6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness would you survive? Not one day.
7. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you would do? Cry for help.
8. Who was the last person you shared a bed with? My boyfriend.
9. Who do you text the most? Mobile, Diane. Internet, everybody I know except for my boyfriend.
10. Who last said they loved you? Does 'me, too' count as 'I love you'??
11. What color are your eyes? Today, they are (estar) golden hazel. But they are (ser) everchanging colours along the brown-yellow spectrum.
12. How tall are you? 1.79 m.
13. Do you like your parents? Yeah, from this distance, yes, I do.
14. Do you secretly like someone? No. Not secretly.
15. Why did your last relationship end? Tired of the abuse.
16. Who was the last person you said you loved on the phone? Mom.
17. Favorite ex-Beatle? George. I'm original, and I'm scared of hippies now.
18. Where was the furthest place you traveled? To the South, Buenos Aires. To the North, Galicia. To the East, Cuenca. To the West, Minas Gerais.
19. Do you like mustard? Yes, very much.
20. Do you prefer to sleep or eat? What kind of question is this?
21. Do you look like your mom or dad? No. But I was told I look like my grandfather. I disagre, though.
22. How long does it take you in the shower? Long, very long. I know I'm wrong and that it's ecologically awful, but fuck, I don't smoke, don't eat meat, always use public transport, don't abuse anybody. I deserve long showers everyday. Sue me.
23. Can you do splits? No. I'm inflexible, weak and clumsy. Physically. And emotionally too, come to think of it.
24. What movie do you want to see right now? Almost all of them. But the new Harry Potter and Shrek 3rd are really calling me.
25. What did you do for New Year's Eve? Wore a t-shirt where I wrote, 'I write my own History' with a marker and my own hands.
26. Do you think The Grudge was crappy? No idea.
27. Was your mom a cheerleader? Probably she would if there were things like that in Brazil. Popularity, appearance and approval is what she lives and dies for.
28. What's the last letter of your middle name? O. Not middle name. First Surname.
29. How many hours of sleep do you get a night? 8 or 9. Sometimes, I sleep even more.
30. Do you like Care Bears? Yes, especially when the other animals joined. I liked the elephant, the bunny, the cat, etc. Diversity.
31. What do you buy at the Movies? Mint. I think it's awful to carry food and drinks to the projection room.
32. Do you know how to play poker? No, I don't.
33. Do you wear your seatbelt? Yeah.
34. What do you wear to sleep? Tee-shirt and underwear.
35. Anything big ever happen in your town? Yeah, I suppose.
36. Is your hair straight or curly? More curly than straight.
37. Is your tongue pierced? No.
38. Do you like Liver and Onions? Yes, onions.
39. Do you like funny or serious people better? Funny. Serious people's way of being funny is irony and sarcasm, and lately I'm on a zero tolerance politics for ppl who can't get a point made straight and clear.
40. Ever been to L.A.? No. Neither NYC.
41. Who or what is on your mind right now? Cool people who are in LA and NYC right now.
42. Any plans for tonight? A world music concert downtown, with music from the countries along the Silk Road.
43. What's your favorite song at the moment? 'Down By the Salley Gardens' (Irish folk), a song I sang in my performance last year's Pagan Pride Day in Sampa.
44. Do you hate chocolate? No.
45. Are you in college? No.
46. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy? I remember being happy before without a boyfriend, so I suppose I don't need one.
47. If you could have any job what would it be? I'd say a Care Bear, but I don't think it'd work in a world like this. So, no jobs, just a wonderful income out of the blue, so I could live my life on selfish hobbies and narcisistic creative projects.
48. Are you easy to get along with? Probably not. I'm too stupid and gullible.
49. What is your favorite time of day? Early evening, just after sunset.
50. Are you a generally happy person? Yes!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Ground Zero Day

‘Fa la-a la la la-a

We stand on Solid Ground on Solid Ground

Fa la-a la la la-a

We stand on Solid Ground

It's the land-it is our wisdom

It's the land-it shines us through

It's the land-it feeds our children

It's the land-you cannot own the land

The land owns you’

(Dougie MacLean – ‘Solid Ground’)

Today is the day we remember one of the direst and sorriest consequences of a very serious disease which worst symptoms are greed, xenophobia, stereotypes and, worst of all, nationalism.

Today we recall an icon of capitalist achievement being destroyed by its very worst nature.

Six years on Ground Zero. May the tragedy of being forced to hit the ground from the highest height we had reached by them teach us to bring to ashes whatever walls and towers separates us from each other and from the Land.

Today we celebrate that what brings us together is stronger, more unbreakable than what keeps us apart.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

I'll be your Monkey

***You Would Be a Pet Monkey***
Smart and unbridled, you are truly unpredictable... and a little crazy.You're very playful and funny, but you're also moody and aggressive.You're have the personality of a wild animal, which is both scary and entertaining.
Why you would make a great pet: You're very smart and you know how to charm people
Why you would make a bad pet: When you don't get your way, you're a bit of a monster
What you would love about being a monkey: Playing interesting games with humans
What you would hate about being a monkey: Not being quite smart enough to be a human!
What Kind of Pet Would You Be?

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

The Healing of Our Role

It frequently startles me how, everytime I stir some very specific shit in my blog, everywhere around me, people are clearing more or less the same specific block in a way. That’s probably why I like to keep part of my Book of Stars public. To give Synchronicity a helping hand.

Synchronicity means that the world outside conforms to match what’s going on in the world within. I have had many proofs throughout my life that the biggest contribution I can make is writing far and deep. As I stir shit of my own, it’s like an exorcism goes on in the collective subconscious, and because no accusation is being made, people seem to tune to the momentum more easily and with less shock.

The kind of kid I was usually grows up to be the losers, the evil rulers and the rapists of the world. The reasons why are extensive and probably too disturbing to be disclosed here, but I can only be profoundly relieved and honestly proud that I grew up to be a healthy gay man with a very clear role in his community, wherever he is. Humble to address his imperfections, proud to stand stronger than they.

Free from dogma, we are able to understand why the Goddess, through Doreen Valiente, wishes there is both Pride and Humility in us. Only with the combination of what is taught to be antagonisms, we are free to come to our full Power, which is Her own.

(Gee, does anybody say ‘Iron Pentacle’?)

Image: Reikian symbol Sei He Ki, used to clear deep issues and promote emotional healing.

Monday, September 03, 2007


I know all too well that shame is a controlling device, that it’s used to repress the individual in favour of social security, or to teach a child by force to put others before herself. But truth is that getting rid of this awful feeling is NOT as easy as advertised on several witchcraft training programmes or self-help books.

After four months landing, feeling stifled and isolated, and living in a place where the attitude towards shame is radically the opposite from my native land, I’ve been having a really hard time. Old (hurt) feelings have been arising all the time, taking my sleep from me, or inundating me with painful memories of guilt, resentment, ridicule and failure. And, Gods, I have many.

I can only suppose that since leaving Rio, I was doing pretty well in this, in overcoming and outgrowing the Shame that was branding-ironed on me through my whole, horrible upbringing. I found my place as a bard in my Pagan Community, my head was light and working at full speed, my vision was clear, my phisical body en-light-ened almost 36 lbs (16 Kgs) off, I felt the sincere need to help the Oneness I’m generally part of with my actual gifts and charms, and I opened myself to truly fall in love for the first time. I had other motives and other motions. I was a lot less afraid. I had finally come to a place where I gained lots of social and inner approval, probably for the first time in my life, and I quit being a numbed out, selfish brat causing commotion and taking over everywhere I went. No surprise then, that everytime I was visitting with my parents, nightmares and synchronicities made the shit resurface.

Moving to Madrid was definetely far from being a retrocession; more accurately it was an advance, and it catapulted me overnight to a point where I’d have to learn how to pluck this from the root, and put my tools to use. Quite literally.

I live now in a place people have gone far and away from a place of shame a long time ago. I suppose there are some very clear reasons for that, or at least I can think of some, but it just doesn’t matter. The thing is that seeing people looking and acting totally disconsiderate of others and feeling fine about that (e.g., smoking in a restaurant while other people eat, parking the car anywhere, throwing a noisy party at the cinema while the film is being projected, walking up and down with their unleashed dogs messing with other people and other dogs) has bred in me a type of vicarious shame, where I feel bad and constrained for everyone around me, who don’t give a damn if they’re ruining somebody else’s day (or life!) or not. Because I took a bit too long to realise that, and because I haven’t had a day job for too long now, I began to let shameful memories and feelings from my past to reemerge. And that stinks big time.
I suppose there are many quick-and-easy ways out there to overcome shame: the Iron Pentacle, the Love-Over-Fear panacea, a healthy relationship with God, healing abusive relationships from your past, a superb community, writing, venting, airing, ventilating. They all might work, but without constant vigilance, Shame resurfaces and without being dealt with URGENTLY, it takes over your day and your night, and is most likely to take over your relationships, too. Because a person who is controlled by her own Shame will try (and succeed) to make other people ashamed of themselves, too, no matter how good the intentions are. I know that too well, from being both on the giving and the receiving end of the Chain of Shame.