Thursday, February 26, 2009

Great Divination Game

[Stolen from Aster]


1. Go to Wikipedia. Hit “Random” or click
The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2. Go to "Random quotations" or click

The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3. Go to Flickr and click on “Explore the last seven days” or click
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4. Use Photoshop or Gimp or similar to put it all together.

5. Post it to your blog with this text in the "Caption" and Tag the friends you want to join in. (You can un-tag yourself if you don't want this photo up.)

Friday, February 06, 2009

Adulthood, part two

Almost one year later, I'm back to that awful situation most people go through from time to time: job hunting. The general feeling is one I'm probably too used to, to not let it let me down anymore. But the intensity of the feelings of confusion and an overwhelming amount of dead-ends I've been facing lately, although not new, are certainly stronger than the best of me.

I've been feeling really lonely, with nobody to sit down and talk, vent, and maybe brainstorm with to find a solution to my personal crisis which, contrary the one currently advertised on the Media, is very real. I don't really have friends here that would sit down with me in a quiet atmosphere just to listen to me, and then share from the heart. The few friends I've made here all have their own turmoil, because they're all immigrants, too. The kids from Couchsurfing are not the talking kind; they're just folks to have a drink and laugh at nonsense with into the night. Then there's Jose's friends, who aren't really looking at me as a person with feelings and emotional blocks, after ten months being supported by their old friend. The Osho Zen Tarot is always an incredibly magical experience every time I check in with it--always the most comforting, the sweetest and the best feeling message for me regarding this issue. But then I check in on, and absolutely everything advertised there is beyond my reach.

No, not really everything. I've candidated for some job vacancies. Me, and other 220+ candidates. That probably speak "native" Spanish and have a dozen more languages and specialization courses than I do.

The feeling of being useless is awful. I can't help looking back and thinking what an idiot I was to invest all my youth emancipating myself emotionally, while the other kids were building an ab-fab resume and dressing sharp.

This makes me feel like the ultimate loser to admit, but it's probably a reason I should touch the giant soap bubble and pop it: For ten years now, I've been working with text. Portuguese and English languages. That's what I've trained myself to do, to excellence. It's the only thing I do that has earned compliments, the only job I had that actually gave me anything of money, the closest I've ever been to supporting myself. And here I am, in a reality where none of this that I can, should and want to do are valued.

Portuguese in the business world is a split language. You've got the super-pure thing that's spoken in Portugal, Spain's underdeveloped neighbour who imports everything from it, and then you've got the modified gob that I was raised with in Brazil. Heaps of Brazilians in the market, albeit no actual professional interest in the language of Brazil, and in Portugal everybody detests our flavour to the language. Jobs that require Portuguese language always specify "Brasileños, no" (and not just translating, copy-desking, writing or communication gigs, but pretty much everything else).

Spain is fraught with US American kids trying to get a degree in Europe and travel cheaper in the Summer, and they all teach English and do everything I've filled a resume with for a living here (with much less pleasure). They're the English-speaking "natives". I'm nobody to compete in this race.

It's like you've been a lawyer your whole life, and suddenly you move to a place where there is no Law. Or like you've been nothing but a pianist, and you go to a place where they don't have pianos, music or whatever for you. You're suddenly null, you've got no lines, no part to play on the stage. And the play goes on.

I want guidance, and I've been learning that guidance is my feelings, my Emotional Guidance System. It says I should do what feels good. But I have no credentials, preparation or reputation to do what feels good in this country of super-serious, seriously concerned people, concerning anything I love to do. Which is basically language and Music.

I'll probably manage this all by myself, as I've always have, but I can't help being amazed at how cursed my professional life seems to be, wherever I am. In Rio, no jobs whatsoever. In Madrid, no qualifications in me.

How do I fix this, for once and for good? I've realised with Saturn's Return that my main deficiency in life is my professional situation, and I want to balance that pie chart.

Image: “Seed Spirit”, by Neil Turner.

Monday, February 02, 2009

One Word, again.

I know I'd done this once already, but Kady tagged me again, and I thought it might be really interesting to check how much I've changed in 8 months--after a transatlantic trip, free hugs, marriage, the loss of a grandparent without being able to even tell him goodbye for the last time. and everything else I've written about on my blog.

You can only type ONE Word!
Not as easy as you might think. Now change the answers to suit you and pass it on. It's really hard to only use one word answers. You can only type one word!

1. Where is your cell phone?

2. Where is your significant other?

3. Your hair?

4. Your mother?

5. Your father?

6. Your favorite thing?

7. Your dream last night?

8. Your dream/goal?

9. The room you're in?

10. Your hobby?

11. Your fear?

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years?

13. Where were you last night?

14. What you're not?

16. One of your wish list items?

17. Where you grew up?

18. The last thing you did?

19. What are you wearing?

21. Your TV?

21. Your pet?

22. Your computer?

24. Your mood?

25. Missing someone?

26. Your car?

27. Something you're not wearing?

28. Favorite store?

29. Your summer?

30. Love someone?

31. Your favorite color?

32. When is the last time you laughed?

33. Last time you cried?

34. One place that I go to over and over?

35. One person who emails me regularly?

36. Favorite place to eat?

37. Why you participated in this survey?

38. What are you doing tonight?

39. Something you're proud of?

40. Who will reply to this?