Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Fountain of Youth

2010. What a Summer. I feel like my real life began just now.

Berlin was everything I always wanted to experience: daily dates with highly interesting men, easy and reliable friendships, flaneuring, bike riding, tango, music and a little bit of Witchcraft, all very well-balanced. Cologne was hawt: the coolest Pride ever, a handsome Summer affair, kinky stickers, tight underwear moments shared with a semi-stranger. Swansea was a melodic composition of music, silence, scandal and nothing-left-to-say. São Paulo was my fix and my eventual realisation that I have changed: silly social situations that offered very little, deep conversations on a new level with old friends, the clear paradox of loneliness in companionship and all it can teach about yourself and your needs. And Rio was all the crucible I resolved to use to begin life anew, and then some.

Today, in the last week of this super-magical and super-intense Summer, I've had the first professional reading in many years. An Obi lady, at a Umbanda house with a terrible vibe and lots of Catholic-Santería synchretic images, told me too many things about myself, my spiritual configuration, Water deities that patronise me, my past and my future. And the waterfall of memories, insight and resolutions that followed helped empower me again, after such a long time without proper grounding.

I discovered so much. When she told me that at the age of about 3 I was already leaving apart from my parents, and at the age of 9 I was already a lonely adult, I realised everything I missed my whole life: learning about relationships, learning to love and accept other people's emotions in a constructive way, music, adventures, playfulness. She said, "you were already an adult". And later on she insisted with me that I was young. In fact, she began the reading with the words, "you're still very young". And together with that the memories of bosses and lovers accusing me of being childish and immature cascaded in my mind. But with the new information of myself, shared with me with an astounding serenity, instead of feeling overwhelmed I was able to connect the dots and realise the Red Thread of my life. I haven't learned the mystery of Age in practice yet. This was priceless, even though the reading was very expensive.

I stayed the whole day with the hurt feeling and the understanding that my inner child needs attention, companionship and space to be an actual child. My inner child still begs to be taken care of, shown things about Self and others, played with, taken out to play. I need emotional education, like most of humankind. And I'm determined to provide myself with all I need, especially healing.

I've already journeyed to meet with my Inner Child tonight. What I learned was much and still being processed, but I already look different in the mirror. Mirror work is part of the tasks assigned by the reader, and I know I need it. The basics of Time Manipulation have it that to understand that when I know the way and am determined, Time's on my side.

Watch me as I grow younger now.

Image: Boto, a river dolphin from the Amazon.