Dedication

I've been working intensely with aligning my Triple Soul and letting go of complexes and blocks for the past seven years. Now, on Brighid, I resolve to embark on a further spiritual journey with Tantra. After reading and experiencing it with a couple of partners, I have decided that it is just what I need as the next natural step in my personal path, since it complements so well my desire to be fully possessed by my Godself and let my awareness merge with my spark of Divine Consciousness, and helps me completely merge my Aetheric Double with my Shining Egg, as true Ke Kino Wailua (the body of two waters).

I have begun practicing the Bhuta Shuddhi ritual this week. The name means "Purification of the Elements", and it is a core and advanced rite for the true Tantric adept. So far, I am still training myself to remember the elements, area and bija mantra of each chakra as I go up the ladder to pure consciousness and back to full-blown physicality again. Soon, I'll incorporate the corresponding senses and actions for each center, too, and finally visualise each chakra in its shape, symbol and colour. By then, when I climb all the way up to the Sit of Chit, I will have learned the true way to possession.

I have never ceased to be on a spiritual roll, not even when I was on an apparent hiatus. Each time I'm done with a stage, the new step miraculously shows up and invites me to climb. It is a good thing I haven't allowed money-hungry, retarded, confused losers exercise authority over my path.

On to the next stage now. All by my Self, and guided by Spirit.

30 vs 40

I've stopped blogging about Saturn's Return and the cycle with professional drama seems to be complete now, but lack of ripples doesn't mean the water is stagnant. Quite on the contrary, it means movement is reaching incredible depths and the water is unstoppable on its way. And being cunning means not only respecting the flow, but also joining the ride.

In less than two months I'm turning 30, and I'm married to a guy who turned 40 just a few months ago. Both ages are key points in a Western man's life, especially a Gay one, but they're radically different, and it's a tad bad idea to pretend they're not.

Thirty years is about helping define your generation. Here you begin to stack up personal merits, you are at the zenith of your personal drive and desire, and this is the turning point from growing up to consuming your living matter. A pagan youth and a yoga-trained awareness have helped me finish up my 20s in apparent perfect alignment with my natural cycle and connection to my Source. I am really living this moment now. Plus, I have a direction, and in reality nothing can stop me now.

The other half of what is supposed to be the equation is my man. He's been there, carried out the whole process, and now finally sits at his personal throne. He's probably not happy with what he got from life (otherwise he wouldn't act so consistently like he wasn't), but he's now living HIS moment of letting go of goals, and declining compromisations. Maybe the ten-year gap that separates him from me is the reason, but he realises his mortality now, probably more clearly than me, he knows that it will all pass, that life will be over one day and that's it's too short for long-term investments. Now He wants to have fun. Right now.

I understand that his approach and perspective is probably the one closest to enlightenment, but rushing enlightenment is one million times worse than sticking to ignorance. I understand, too, that I'm not either fully enlightened, nor pushing myself to be enlightened, nor in the spiritual dark. I am just in my moment. And my moment's very important to me because it is part of my dream, and my dream is me.

Today I tossed my both-eye-painted Daruma doll to the Madrilean lake. From a heart filled with gratitude I’ve let go of it by walking away from the water without looking back, as Brazilian spellcasting tradition has it. But I’m not ready to let go of who I am, and the wave I’m currently riding is part of my wholly Being.

Old Lore

This afternoon I decided to take a nap for vibrational purification, and had a very intense and initiatory dream I very disgracefully didn't record on my Book of Stars. However, I do remember waking up with this very old mantra in mind, a lovely song I learned from my first Yoga instructor 13 years ago, and never forgot:

Quero olhar-me em ti
Ó espelho cristalino do amor
E seguir teu caminho
Esquecer dos espinhos
E fazer muita gente feliz

Perdão se eu não posso seguir
Tudo aquilo que você me ensinou
Só te peço que faças de mim
Um instrumento de paz e de amor
Um instrumento de paz e de amor

It still shocks me that after all this years, this song/mantra is the only thing I've never ever been able to find on Google searches.

I began searching Orphism and Orphic Mysteries later in the evening. Might be related, might not.