New Year Resolution '12

Pare down to the basics
And clear my mind

Speak only when needed

I shut up the Blight

As the light shines in

I'll be able to see

The simple and strip down

To move and break free

When I enlighten

I flow and cascade

All rivers to ocean

Feet fast on the Way

As the light shines in
I'll be able to see
The simple and strip down
to move and break free

Gods for a day

I reckon that the only thing Nietzsche, Bugs Bunny, Julia Cameron, Abraham, my reverse role-models, a shitty childhood, meditation practice and the Crossroads have in common is that they all taught me again and again that the Power is in the decision you make, or pass. Or miss. We are all well-equipped to thrive and expand in life, there is no reason to feel oppressed at all, at least in most cases. But in a culture like the one we live in, we need constant and regular reminders of that if we are to fulfill our potential and break free for real. And this is why joining the Global Revolution on October 15th was such an exhilarating experience.

I walked with neighbours and friends for over five hours to the city center. I joined LGTB activists and chanted about union and revolution on a megaphone covered in Pride flag stickers. I hugged strangers. I felt a cute guy's ass. I starved. I eventually sat exhausted on the cobblestone ground at the very centre of the Iberian Peninsula. And that made one of the highlights of my life.

On that day, yesterday as of this writing, countless common men and women left home and took the streets, wherever they lived. They chanted about justice and freedom, they spoke for themselves, and stated that nobody spoke for them. They walked in Beauty, and Love. It was something I had never seen before. And there is just no justice words and storytelling can do to that first-hand experience of self-transcendence.

One degree in Journalism and all these years of life experience have not helped. I am still slightly amused and seriously outraged at the way media and haters tell the story. They make one car set on fire by some problem child the whole of what there is to hundreds of thousands of people vibrating on the clear frequency of Love in unison. They make us look like haters, victim-complexed and whiners, when in actuality we are just the opposite.

We were not merely protesting. We were definetely not hating. We were affirming to each other (and to the short-sighted liars chickening on the top of this slaughterous pyramid) our manifested Power, our glory when we come together for the sublime purpose of co-creating, and our total absence of fear. In a state like this, sharing a such a beautiful moment with millions worldwide, we were coming together as more than people. We were purely divine.

Nobody knows where this is going, because there is no Yellow Brick Road to tread. We are not following somebody else's agenda. Real Democracy Now is an horizontal and very organic movement that has swept over all of the planet by now. There are still lands untouched, but that will not last long. I hear occasional cries of doubt among friends who are supportive of the movement and its ideals. And I have only one thing to tell them: whatever comes next, it is up to us only. The "system" is not an alien entity stronger and more resolute than you and me. The system is all of us together, assenting or dissenting, making decisions, or passing them. Or missing.

Insatiable

I never really understood it when people came up to me and whined about having a boring life. I have certainly lived in a boring place, but my imagination would never ever let me rest. If I could not gather with likeminded individuals for a story circle, or a poetry slam, or Tango, or a potluck, I could still sit and fantasise about that. Or write about doing that. Or read online about it. Or compensate the block with whatever creative opportunity was available to me. I have never been bored on a long bus ride. I never needed to read or talk to summon up images, ideas or drama. All I needed was Time.

As I carve free time in my current life circumstances, I feel like I will never have enough. I have managed to set up the gay milonga with couchsurfers and non-couchsurfers going every second Saturday of the month, and it is actually afloat. I have got a solid schedule for homework from the German class and this terrible housekeeping thing that I hate so vividly. I apply three of Abe's processes (Focus Wheel, Affirmation, and Meditation) daily and I listen to the Vortex workshops on the metro every morning on my way to work, plus I do Morning Pages and Triple Soul work before breakfast. And I seem to be writing very regularly. But now that everything sounds fine, and I can finally get back to my comfortable limit with two creative projects going on simultaneously, I discover that not only can I afford music lessons every other week, La Tabacalera de Lavapiés (one of the coolest social enterprises in town) is offering Mandarin lessons for free again.

I might be compulsive, or all this is really irresistible, but I seriously want to learn to say no. Today is Sunday, and I spent the whole week catching up with emails, cleaning, cooking and doing homework. Compensating for a busy week and Saturday with delayed work. Maybe at some point I might as well behave like a dull person, and just rest.

Image: Overstimulated, by Jon Burgerman.

Six Years Later

Once upon a time I was a helpless, full-time wannabe. Growing up in the rural suburbs of a dull city, all I could think about was ways to escape, and not until I was done with university and finished my first round of Julia Cameron's "The Artist's Way" could I leap beyond the fields those idiots surrounding me back then knew. I tore the chrysalis, spread my wings and flew away. I finally found a place I was not ashamed of calling home. That was back in 2005. My real life had finally just began, and it all happened within that year--including meeting the man I married.

I began this blog. I took classes, I experimented, I explored, I exploded, I was hired, I was fired, I was hired again, I got lost, I got found, I was told lies, I learned how to tell a fabulous story, I learned the truth about myself and the Universe, I had the best sex of my life during that year. I made more real friends within 6 months than over the first 20 years of my fucking life. I loved till I bled. Then I dipped my fingertips in the blood, and painted beautiful things on the ground I stood, and wrote poetry on the walls bordering the way. I walked in Beauty, and I recorded the stories I had to tell.

Then, instead of growing roots, I decided to move forward. I moved to Spain. Now there was no doubt I was totally out of the fishtank. I was a foreigner, I could barely speak the language, I made people laugh unintentionally. Best part is, I met a million others like me. A whole online social network of us. I was exhilarated, and I didn't want the fairytale to end.

And then I got sidetracked. I can only assume it happened when I decided that instead of exploring brand new creative possibilities, I wanted to deepen in what I was paying off more beautifully. So I acquired my fourth and fifth languages, travelled further out into the North and East, became a queer tanguero, learned a million new recipes till I could cook the perfect veggie meal. And resolved to get a paid day job. And dumped music. And writing. No wonder after all this time I look around and cannot see my creative work, other than a very creative life I've been living.

I do not complain, but this Autumn I got many people from that magical year come back to the spotlight of my online social life... One is published. The other is talking about the process of being published. The other just silently shines a little light from the other side of the planet, and the light shines all the way through to me. And the São Paulo gang, one by one, is slowly gathering on my Google+ Friends circle.

After six years, all I have to show for is what I have lived. The memories. The stories I have to tell, but have not told so far.

Are you willing to listen?

Function of Time #5: Energy

Before rythmn comes Energy.

It took me a while to realise that. I fell prey to my old fantasy of time shortage for a long time. I fret over age, I resented time-consuming responsibilities, I cut down on comfort, I walked the cutting edge. All to save time I realise now I have never even used. Now I have decided to let go of this imaginary fear, and go back to 9-to-6'ing.

It sucks for a large part, but I also benefit a lot from it: a stable income will allow me to explore in depth aspects of my Passion, a regular routine will give me structure and support for leaping and launching rockets of desire, building a career will let me reward those who help me and light up my fuse. And more.

The other side to that is that it really sucked up most of my stamina in this beginning. I work in a well-concealed hide-out way up North everyday, and after getting home from the long ride with connections I felt exhausted and wanted little more than having dinner and collapsing in bed to feel less sleepy at the office the next day.

But tonight the feeling has changed. Maybe it's just temporary excitement about my German class beginning tomorrow in the evening after work, but I'm really eager to use my evenings now. Way more than in my old life, before I got back to day-jobbing. I want to get back to making Music, be finally serious with Mandarin, astral-travel, queer-tango, cook. And go back to blogging about The Fine Art of Time Manipulation.

I have realised this job has energised me. And if I have Energy, I have plenty of Time. In that feeling, I am Eternity.

All I have to do now is feel the beat, and put a natural rythmn to this song. I'm sorry I missed this important one beat and did not wish a merry Equinox to all my friends all over the World this season. Many blessings of Light and Dark, of up and downbeat. Life would be terribly boring and meaningless without them.

Mother Monster

I am no fan of Lady GaGa. Pretty much everything I've seen by her so far is boring and dull at best, and just plain sick on average. I have refused to talk or write about her especially here on my blog because in this crazy time in which we live everything is advertising, and in our ultimate vibrational reality whatever we focus on manifests. But this morning I saw a video that really got to me, and spoken so much to me that my feelings are still confused.

It is called "Born This Way". In a nutshell, it is the average parade of emaciation, androginy, and vigorous choreography that is too half-cocked to show full nakedness and real, natural sexuality. But this is not your average MTV video. Maybe I am too sensitive at this point, but the symbolism and references she presents this time run too deep not to heed the call of an artist not used to knowing what she is talking about.

In the creation myth at the very beginning, she tells of the Eternal Mother hovering the Multiverse, and giving birth to Divine Twins, one that is perfect liberty and the other being protective evil. This rang too deep a bell within me not to let the whole song (with a very positive message, for a drastic and welcome change) get to me. At the same time, she presents herself, a celebrity and brand-name accused of enormous vileness and celebrated as the redeemer of the oppressed, as not just beyond good and evil, but the creatrix of both. She used a myth older than Time and a fundamental truth of the deepest human nature and origin to legitimate and consolidate her music-selling business with astounding success and unbelievable coldness.

Yes, I am torn. Just like the Mother Monster of the video.

Lady GaGa has always been monstruous. The dance number on blood that got her international attention got people doubting she would be able to keep up with the extreme appeal, and the meat dress on the cover of Rolling Stone freaked the shit outta vegetarian me, personally. The crippled woman dance on one of her videos haunted me for days after I watched it. Her sex appeal is not just violent, it's anti-sexy and repressive in many ways. Far beyond music, her career is being repulsive. This video is not different. She's the usual monster. But she's Mother Monster this time. She is, to effect, the Mother Monster protrayed on the video, and she is not ashamed of it. Why should she be?

Why should we all be ashamed?

This piece has a real message, and I got it. And I agree with it. And it makes my spirit fly.

But the visuals are still repulsive.

Image: The Sheela-na-Gig, from http://www.hohochiheaven.co.uk/.

Breath and Water

I know some very interesting things, and I keep learning the Craft of the Wise in new forms, and new ways. Learning comes from many places. The Path my feet keep coming back to has made me pretty much a water witch, and breathwork has been a discipline I have been a little constantly, a little in-and-out exploring. In phases like this, I feel like I know a lot.

I know how to realign with Source, cleanse, store life-force, restore my Being and reenergise using my breath. I know how to unbind, heal my Self, let go and invite the Light using water. I know how to breathe Light into water, and make some serious magic. Light-heart-edly.

I keep learning.

Image from Pavel Melnikov's website.

The Water Pentacle

We are stars on Earth, sang many mystical poets in many different languages and times. But throughout life, and the immersion in a culture that does not really support individual stardom, we were trained to stifle the inner fireworks and shy away from shedding our Light. The poets kept singing though, inspiring us to be naturally bright and help make the world even more beautiful and interesting with our unique gifts and joy in Being, but at some point we forget how. For good. And some of these poets devise pathways and songs to help us remember and reawaken. And shine on.

Victor Anderson taught the Copper Decagram to several generations of witches until his death ten years ago. Even though it is not really known whether he devised them himself or learned from somebody else, the Iron and Pearl Pentacles have been inspiring people all over the world to ignite the inner fires and shine their unique light on the inner and outer worlds.

Abraham, the collective of non-physical teachers translated by Esther Hicks, teaches in actuality little more than the divine nature of us all, gut-feeling wisdom and this marvellous Stream of Well-Being we are all rolling with. This Stream, the stuff of life itself, is God, the Source, the one and only light that shines in and through all stars of the Universe, that soothes and sweeps us away from wisdom to even more wisdom, from plenitude to enhanced plenitude. From love back to love again.

Based on both bodies of teachings, I have devised my own “third pentacle”, as one disciple of Anderson calls the systems created after his Iron and Pearl Pentacles, based on the parallels I have found between his teachings and those of Abraham. Inspired by Abraham’s marvellous metaphor of life as a stream, where “nothing you really want is upstream”, I have called it the Water Pentacle. In my personal practice, it has become a wonderful and actually divine tool for awareness and connection with the divinity present in life, in my own Self, in the present moment.

Just like the experience of the Iron and Pearl Pentacles were taught to me by more than one teacher, with the Water Pentacle, you can run and call the points as you lay as a starfish in two ways (among countless others): round and through.

On your head is the point of Expansion. Expansion represents here the meaning of life itself. It is the blossom and fructifying of Sex and Love, and the full realisation of the being here in physical manifestation, on the Leading Edge of Thought, in this glorious earthly reality where we experience contrast and shock, make choices, decide, shoot rockets of desire, refine our feelings, attract what is like to us, and ultimately help the Universe expand.

On your left hand, the point representing The Source shines. The Source is really the place from which we all come, but never got disconnected. It is in every single aspect of you. In your dominant and subtle intents, in the intents of each cell of your body, and your shared intent as community. From the Source’s perspective, all intents are equally worthy, and all is well. The Source is undeniable; and for you are Source Energy, The Source is YOU. It is what witches would call God Herself, in whom we live, move and have our being. “From Her all things emerge, and unto Her all things return”. She is the reason why we are here, because our desires are Hers, and through them She experiences Herself, expands and grows in love and beauty.

On your left foot, you have your point of Guidance. Guidance is the resilient, persistent and very reliable voice of inner Wisdom that (no matter how shunned, repressed and ignored) tells you how far from the Source you are or not. It comes in the form of Passion, raw gut feelings and all other emotions. Your Guidance is Wisdom, it will never fail you, because it is your gut, your in-tuition, your proof of connection to God, and only it can reveal how stagnant, flowing or rotten the Water from your Star is. Nobody else.

On your right foot is the point of Becoming. As you awaken and become aware of Source, let yourself expand with it by desiring and following the inner Guidance wherever It leads you, you learn to take Pride in who you are, and become something more than what you were. Becoming is actually one of the very few real Laws of the Universe, and there is no escaping from it without paying more than one can afford.

On your right hand stands Allowing. Allowing is the ultimate Power we have in this life, and its our absolutely natural and default Nature. It is giving up on all lies and resistance against the Stream, holding on to useless attachments and complexes, and finally saying YES to the healing and exciting ride on divine waters. It takes us to places, because we have Become something else through alignment with Source, awareness of our Guidance and commitment to Expansion. If this is not Liberty, I do not know what is.

Around the Water Pentacle you have a way of Alignment motivated by willpower and intent, whereas upon moving through It you realise the points from a slightly different perspective, which enriches the realisations you had as you ran around the star: you have the support, love, confirmation and nurturing every time.

Expansion is the reason why we are all here. We are evolving perfection, not bored, just exercising the thrill and glorious joy that lust and desire give us.

We expand by Becoming. Something more, something else, something that has no need to fit in descriptions or pre-conceived concepts. It’s one of the most freeing experiences we have, and this is why it is so empowering and central in a well-lived life.

The Source becomes more through our own Becoming, and It is always backing us, and calling us back to It. Our existence is Its proof, our Expansion is all It expects, our Becoming is Its joy. It is just that simple.

Allowing is the experience of moving on from The Source and simultaneously going back to It. Allowing is not working hard to modify circumstances, follow rules and play roles. It is not giving others parts of the Self. It is not exercising force, either. It is going with the flow and trusting the Stream, with grace, freedom and great dignity.

All along the way, Guidance will keep you on track. It will never let go of you, especially if you let go of oars, shame, guilt, vanity and need for control. And the opinions, experience and judgements of somebody else. Only you know what is good and appropriate for you, and this is the promise from The Source. The way you feel, in your gut, is just what you need in order to tell if it is really on or off. If you are heading downstream or paddling upstream.

There are infinite different ways to experience the Water Pentacle. Some I have also been using other than Starfish energy work are journaling, dreaming, creative writing, singing, drumming and dance. Get acquainted with it the way it calls you to, and own the experience itself. Let everything else go back to The Source.

In the end, this Water Pentacle is little more than a sophisticated idea, and ideas are as good as this. Take it into consideration if possible, exercise if suitable, celebrate if desired, discard if preferred, live it out if you must, pass it forward if you will. But do not claim anybody own a very basic truth of our existence. Abraham, Victor, or me. Or you. We are all, absolutely all of us, Stars on Earth.

If you are interested in the Iron and Pearl Pentacles, check veedub’s DustBunny Big Damn Handout, or her articles on her personal website. Obviously you can also just google them up. If you are curious about the Teachings of Abraham, the Hickses have free introductory material available on their website. Feel free to search for Abraham-Hicks on Youtube, too. Watching Esther doing it live is one of the most thrilling things I have ever seen.

Explore. And flow on.