30 Day Deity Challenge

August is finally coming to an end, and this year it was an especially intense month. Despite the intense resentment I feel for the FIFA World Cup for many (political) reasons, I owe it a huge one: because of it taking place in Brazil this year, the annual Goddess Spirituality Conference in São Paulo got postponed until early August, and that is when I visit my family and native country.

 

When I moved to Madrid over seven years ago, my intense, passionate and fruitful spiritual life with its accompanying, glorious social aspect were put in the fridge. My new friends in Europe were certainly open-minded and chilled, but they all ridiculed, abhorred and rejected anything that was not sensorial, logical, linear-minded and, in my opinion, not spiritual. Or at least that is what it seemed like to me. So, I hid my Craft tools, shut up about my real impressions and feelings many times, and just played the game. It is not easy to tread an alternative spiritual path here in Deep Spain, and alternative here means pretty much anything that is not Catholic Christian. Witches and Pagan priests I met that came to live here never stayed longer than a year, and the small, local Pagan community I found here was for some reason difficult to relate to, on an energetic level, and as the years went by I heard at least two horror stories (quite literally) that made me only glad I never really integrated in the local scene.

 

So, going back to Sampa for the Conference I had not attended in seven long years, and reconnecting with people who shared the Calling with me after so long was amazing. It re-lit the passion and the faith, and set the fire of my Divine Inspiration back on.

 

For the three days of the conference I talked and wrote a lot about the Old Gods, about the Craft, about spiritual callings and about Inspiration, which I have long considered to be my main path. I would get to the hotel where it took place before 10 a.m., enjoy every second of the starry-eyed lecturers and facilitators sharing the fruits of their passion, work and inspiration, join the rituals in the evening and come back "home" at 9 p.m. for writing, researching and (re)weaving until the wee hours while the rest of São Paulo partied the weekend away. I was on fire.

 

I went back to my parents in Rio, then I flew back to Spain. But the fire burned on for the rest of the month, and I did not hesitate to organise a local World Goddess Day gathering next Sunday, right next to an original Egyptian temple dedicated to the same goddess to whom this year's edition of the Goddess Spirituality Conference was dedicated, Isis, brought over and rebuilt right here in Madrid. For the gathering, I will lead a Spiral Dance, which is my favourite thing to do when priesting for a group activity, and the Spiral is a symbol of an elusive goddess that way long ago called me, and followed me for most of my adult life, never giving up on me no matter how clearly I stated that I had given up on understanding Her.

 

This month, after the Conference, the fire that burned on my head revealed much of Her to me. And I decided to heed the Call. I am giving next Sunday (just before the Spiral Dance) a short lecture on Arianrhod, a major Welsh goddess on whom, to the best of my knowledge, nobody has completed the 30-day deity challenge. My druid friend who took this challenge himself challenged me to do it today, and after failing to do the ice bucket challenge only yesterday I decided I would take this one up. I have only 29 days before I travel to India for a Yoga Teacher Training course, and I want to finish this before flying, and it is way too warm to sit here at the computer for too long. Also, I do not have access to much of what I read and researched about Arianrhod or Celtic myth over the years, thus this will look certainly a lot like pure personal gnosis and intuitive conclusions, but it does not need to be scholar work anyway. So, expect something short, undocumented and very, very dynamic.

 

The topics are:

I. A basic introduction of the deity
II. How did you become first aware of this deity?
III. Symbols and icons of this deity
IV. A favorite myth or myths of this deity
V. Members of the family – genealogical connections
VI. Other related deities and entities associated with this deity
VII. Names and epithets
VIII. Variations on this deity (aspects, regional forms, etc.)
IX. Common mistakes about this deity
X. Offerings – historical and UPG
XI. Festivals, days, and times sacred to this deity
XII. Places associated with this deity and their worship
XIII. What modern cultural issues are closest to this deity’s heart?
XIV. Has worship of this deity changed in modern times?
XV. Any mundane practices that are associated with this deity?
XVI. How do you think this deity represents the values of their pantheon and cultural origins?
XVII. How does this deity relate to other gods and other pantheons?
XVIII. How does this deity stand in terms of gender and sexuality? (historical and/or UPG)
XIX. What quality or qualities of this god do you most admire? What quality or qualities of them do you find the most troubling?
XX. Art that reminds you of this deity
XXI. Music that makes you think of this deity
XXII. A quote, a poem, or piece of writing that you think this deity resonates strongly with
XXIII. Your own composition – a piece of writing about or for this deity
XXIV. A time when this deity has helped you
XXV. A time when this deity has refused to help
XXVI. How has your relationship with this deity changed over time?
XXVII. Worst misconception about this deity that you have encountered
XXVIII. Something you wish you knew about this deity but don’t currently
XXIX. Any interesting or unusual UPG to share?
XXX. Any suggestions for others just starting to learn about this deity?

Feel free to contribute as comments. I will read them all.

The Talent Pentacle

I have just decided to edit the Talent Pentacle I created the other day and mentioned briefly here on the blog. At first it seemed to me that just because Vision emerged from the perspective of Source, it should stand on the same point as Self. But then I rethought it, and it's actually the Guidance provided by Passion and all emotions in alignment with It that provide real Vision. After that realisation, it was only natural to see how Enthusiasm is the real gift from Source and Self. Enthusiasm, after all, means God Within in Greek. And coming back to edit it, with a feature on German radio about Italian mafia and Tomaso Buscetta on in the background, a-ha! The whole way around the Talent Pentacle made sense all of a sudden.

I am a creative being, here to create and in that help the Universe expand. In Creativity, Enthusiasm is fed in me, and I ground on Source and Self. A life in Enthusiasm means I am guided by my feelings of Passion. And that awakens in me the Knowledge supreme: my Truth, the Inner Light of God Herself that illuminates the Way and shines out in the world when I am aligned and leads me where I need to go. In other words, Vision. This cycle is completed with the boundless energy that I can tap to whenever I am willing to surrender to this divine perspective, follow the vision and abide by the Universal Law of Becoming--and this is what the book that triggered this whole thing called Hyperactivity: non-stop inspiration, daring, excitement and, well, action. When one is always on the move, the whole Universe moves along and things find their place by the constant, energised and divine motion. Power moves, and Magic is afoot. This leads to the creation of new conditions, experiences, results and gifts. The virtuous circle is complete.

This was my way around the pentacle. Let's just look into weaving a path through: in owning my nature and reality of Creative being, I engage, I enquire, I experiment, I never stop. When this is sincere, Enthusiasm is stirred in me, and this very natural process is absolutely magical, given that no science, resources or even focused effort is required to keep up with the endless motion. A keeping with it, I am absolutely on track, always right, led by The Supreme Path to Bliss. I have the Vision. And I create my stellar reality by shining like a Star on Earth, as I was meant to do when I was born.

I realise the divine element in my talents reading about this new pentacle. My writing has again become larger than what I thought it was, so I am using this entry to rename my blog. I am no longer focused on Time, timing, limitations, counting and stretches. I am weaving more of my writing magic here than on my paper notebook I bought to help Tibetan activits. This is my real, unlimited Book of Stars, and I am not ashamed, afraid or concerned that it is public. My magic is free, and it does indeed operate out in the World. I give it away with Love and in Power. Please witness it.

This is new phase of Awen's Book of Stars.

Mage

As part of the current exploration of my talents, I have taken it on myself to explore the aspect of my abilities I called Magic. I had read extensively on the subject throughout my teens and early adulthood, but never found consensus or a single, universal definition for the M-word, or even a recurring description for what a magic operator actually does. But I most probably knew what I meant when I decided to call my gift "Magic".

Throughout the coursebook, words like "shapeshifter" and "divine" showed up a lot on my notes, and dreams and travelling are trending topics in all parts of the book. When I had to match talent profiles from a list the author provided to me, I noticed several very real talents I knew I had were not there. I recalled how many times over I changed scenery following an inner call, how deeply free I really am to refuse letting anybody else define me, my resiliency and tendency to bob back up to the surface anytime I am pushed to the depth of waters, my undeniable ability to reinvent myself with sincere Passion.

I swear I have magical powers. I have a magical brush and paint to paint doors where there are only walls, and to repaint my surroundings in a way that is more functional, pleasing and appropriate to me. I have a magic veil to alter the perception of my peers. I have a magic thread that leads me out of the Labyrinth so I have no fear of walking in to the core and so that I never ever get lost. I have a magical compass that always shows where my heart's desire is. I have magical wings to fly everywhere, and soar above too many things everybody else cannot even imagine are but an option within a wide range to choose from. I have a magical mirror that in one gaze shows me the truth about myself. And a magical book full of magical formulae, and magical glasses, and a magical pen with magical ink, and a magical wand to boot.

I shift shape, read minds, see in the Future, phase out of alien bulshit I did not sign up for with incredible ease and sense of dignity. I speak the simple language of the primitive cuss in me that connects me to Timelessness and Infinite Wisdom, and I read the arcane signs of the Ancient Ones who left so many gifts and inspiration behind. I realise the Invisible, and stalk It, follow It, make friends with It, learn from It. I seek the unalienable truth. I cast spells, I purify endlessly, I focus, I create, I change, I make things happen. And, of course, I manipulate time. I know, I dare, I will, I keep silent. All the fucking time.

Much of this mage work is learned and extensively trained, and even bears a lot more improvement, but that does not make me less talented at all. Quite on the contrary, for one of the aspects of real talent is pleasure and the desire for more proficiency. I can guarantee I will not get enough of perfecting this ever.

Talent Star

I am of the considered opinion that we can never know or celebrate ourselves too much. No matter if it is in the divine nature of our immortal souls or around conditional, temporary mundane circumstances and status, we are important, powerful and meaningful in all parts equally. And given that my Enneagram type is definetely four, I cannot seem to get enough from Self awareness. You might just call it navel-gazing, though.

I have just finished a very hands-on activity book called, "How to Discover Your Secret Talents". Pretty much the talents I finished the book aware of were the same-old, same-old I had been cultivating for a while. Namely, Creativity, Foresight, Enthusiasm, Hyperactivity and what I called Magic, that is very encompassing and probably deserves an entry of its own.

I have taken several rounds of Julia Cameron's books; I more-than-frequently organise flash mobs and theme events just for the love of taking people beyond where they have ever been before, and I made myself quite a reputation just for generally thinking shit up outside of every box ever conceived by man, beast or God a million times over. I have documented a considerable deal of these adventures beyond mapped territories in blog, Morning Pages, letters to kindred souls and Akashic records. I have made the Universe more than what it was before I came around as what I now know as me.

But that was seemingly not enough. I want, want, WANT to be aware and to remember my gifts and the specifics of my Power. I want them known, so that they remain active in my consciousness until they sink in my unconscious and it becomes my second nature to use them.

Just like I did with the Water Pentacle last year, I have created a pentacle with the talents I drew from the work with this book, following the model of Anderson's Iron Pentacle. Points of the three pentacles are:

Sex - Expansion - Creativity
Self - Source - Enthusiasm
Passion - Guidance - Foresight
Pride - Becoming - Hyperactivity
Power - Allowing - Magic

What could possibly be left out?

The message of the book focused on the developed talents we are not aware of, but there are indeed other talents I could develop: Empathy, Negotiation, Dreaming. There is a lot of investigation and training I could do on these, but for now I will be more than happy to play with my strengths. They are a real possession in a world like this, and if I was ever born with a mission, it is to shine as a Star the way only I can.

The fire in my Soul will burn again, and leave nothing unchanged. Magic is afoot.

New Year Resolution '12

Pare down to the basics
And clear my mind

Speak only when needed

I shut up the Blight

As the light shines in

I'll be able to see

The simple and strip down

To move and break free

When I enlighten

I flow and cascade

All rivers to ocean

Feet fast on the Way

As the light shines in
I'll be able to see
The simple and strip down
to move and break free

Gods for a day

I reckon that the only thing Nietzsche, Bugs Bunny, Julia Cameron, Abraham, my reverse role-models, a shitty childhood, meditation practice and the Crossroads have in common is that they all taught me again and again that the Power is in the decision you make, or pass. Or miss. We are all well-equipped to thrive and expand in life, there is no reason to feel oppressed at all, at least in most cases. But in a culture like the one we live in, we need constant and regular reminders of that if we are to fulfill our potential and break free for real. And this is why joining the Global Revolution on October 15th was such an exhilarating experience.

I walked with neighbours and friends for over five hours to the city center. I joined LGTB activists and chanted about union and revolution on a megaphone covered in Pride flag stickers. I hugged strangers. I felt a cute guy's ass. I starved. I eventually sat exhausted on the cobblestone ground at the very centre of the Iberian Peninsula. And that made one of the highlights of my life.

On that day, yesterday as of this writing, countless common men and women left home and took the streets, wherever they lived. They chanted about justice and freedom, they spoke for themselves, and stated that nobody spoke for them. They walked in Beauty, and Love. It was something I had never seen before. And there is just no justice words and storytelling can do to that first-hand experience of self-transcendence.

One degree in Journalism and all these years of life experience have not helped. I am still slightly amused and seriously outraged at the way media and haters tell the story. They make one car set on fire by some problem child the whole of what there is to hundreds of thousands of people vibrating on the clear frequency of Love in unison. They make us look like haters, victim-complexed and whiners, when in actuality we are just the opposite.

We were not merely protesting. We were definetely not hating. We were affirming to each other (and to the short-sighted liars chickening on the top of this slaughterous pyramid) our manifested Power, our glory when we come together for the sublime purpose of co-creating, and our total absence of fear. In a state like this, sharing a such a beautiful moment with millions worldwide, we were coming together as more than people. We were purely divine.

Nobody knows where this is going, because there is no Yellow Brick Road to tread. We are not following somebody else's agenda. Real Democracy Now is an horizontal and very organic movement that has swept over all of the planet by now. There are still lands untouched, but that will not last long. I hear occasional cries of doubt among friends who are supportive of the movement and its ideals. And I have only one thing to tell them: whatever comes next, it is up to us only. The "system" is not an alien entity stronger and more resolute than you and me. The system is all of us together, assenting or dissenting, making decisions, or passing them. Or missing.

Insatiable

I never really understood it when people came up to me and whined about having a boring life. I have certainly lived in a boring place, but my imagination would never ever let me rest. If I could not gather with likeminded individuals for a story circle, or a poetry slam, or Tango, or a potluck, I could still sit and fantasise about that. Or write about doing that. Or read online about it. Or compensate the block with whatever creative opportunity was available to me. I have never been bored on a long bus ride. I never needed to read or talk to summon up images, ideas or drama. All I needed was Time.

As I carve free time in my current life circumstances, I feel like I will never have enough. I have managed to set up the gay milonga with couchsurfers and non-couchsurfers going every second Saturday of the month, and it is actually afloat. I have got a solid schedule for homework from the German class and this terrible housekeeping thing that I hate so vividly. I apply three of Abe's processes (Focus Wheel, Affirmation, and Meditation) daily and I listen to the Vortex workshops on the metro every morning on my way to work, plus I do Morning Pages and Triple Soul work before breakfast. And I seem to be writing very regularly. But now that everything sounds fine, and I can finally get back to my comfortable limit with two creative projects going on simultaneously, I discover that not only can I afford music lessons every other week, La Tabacalera de Lavapiés (one of the coolest social enterprises in town) is offering Mandarin lessons for free again.

I might be compulsive, or all this is really irresistible, but I seriously want to learn to say no. Today is Sunday, and I spent the whole week catching up with emails, cleaning, cooking and doing homework. Compensating for a busy week and Saturday with delayed work. Maybe at some point I might as well behave like a dull person, and just rest.

Image: Overstimulated, by Jon Burgerman.

Six Years Later

Once upon a time I was a helpless, full-time wannabe. Growing up in the rural suburbs of a dull city, all I could think about was ways to escape, and not until I was done with university and finished my first round of Julia Cameron's "The Artist's Way" could I leap beyond the fields those idiots surrounding me back then knew. I tore the chrysalis, spread my wings and flew away. I finally found a place I was not ashamed of calling home. That was back in 2005. My real life had finally just began, and it all happened within that year--including meeting the man I married.

I began this blog. I took classes, I experimented, I explored, I exploded, I was hired, I was fired, I was hired again, I got lost, I got found, I was told lies, I learned how to tell a fabulous story, I learned the truth about myself and the Universe, I had the best sex of my life during that year. I made more real friends within 6 months than over the first 20 years of my fucking life. I loved till I bled. Then I dipped my fingertips in the blood, and painted beautiful things on the ground I stood, and wrote poetry on the walls bordering the way. I walked in Beauty, and I recorded the stories I had to tell.

Then, instead of growing roots, I decided to move forward. I moved to Spain. Now there was no doubt I was totally out of the fishtank. I was a foreigner, I could barely speak the language, I made people laugh unintentionally. Best part is, I met a million others like me. A whole online social network of us. I was exhilarated, and I didn't want the fairytale to end.

And then I got sidetracked. I can only assume it happened when I decided that instead of exploring brand new creative possibilities, I wanted to deepen in what I was paying off more beautifully. So I acquired my fourth and fifth languages, travelled further out into the North and East, became a queer tanguero, learned a million new recipes till I could cook the perfect veggie meal. And resolved to get a paid day job. And dumped music. And writing. No wonder after all this time I look around and cannot see my creative work, other than a very creative life I've been living.

I do not complain, but this Autumn I got many people from that magical year come back to the spotlight of my online social life... One is published. The other is talking about the process of being published. The other just silently shines a little light from the other side of the planet, and the light shines all the way through to me. And the São Paulo gang, one by one, is slowly gathering on my Google+ Friends circle.

After six years, all I have to show for is what I have lived. The memories. The stories I have to tell, but have not told so far.

Are you willing to listen?