Time Element

Everyday now I sit at the keyboard, more than once a day. I feel the beat, and don't begin until I'm sure I can follow it. Then, riding on it, I feel the way each note means different things as it responds to different notes that sounded just before it. The fourth dimension. Then I pay close attention, and suddenly I'm riding a tsunami of meaning, instead of merely the wave of beat.

Music might be defined as the art of filling time with sound. Music is allowing me to come back to the beginning of Time, and begin anew.

I'm not very old yet, but this is how it should've been since the very beginning.

Straight into my recipe book

A GREAT RECIPE

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day and while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Meditate/pray about what is going on in your life. Buy a lock if you have to.

3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to __________ today. I am thankful for______________'

4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli , almonds &
walnuts.

6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a pauper.

9. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

12. You are not so important that you have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

14. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

17. Forgive everyone for everything.

18. What other people think of you is none of your business.

20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

21. Your job won't take care of you when you are in need.. Your friends will. Stay in touch!!!

22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

23. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.

24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

25. When you are feeling down, start listing your many blessings. You'll be smiling before you know it.

Some Good Friday Abe'ing

"It feels good to see the world through the eyes of Source, doesn't it?"

Parallel Worlds

I have noticed this blog has been silent these days, and I haven't done much to change it. I've had just too many stories to tell, but given that Tribe.net, where this blog haa its primary residence, is basically dead, and since I've been totally immersed and fed exclusively by the Couchsurfing community, I haven't really wanted to change the circumstances. I've just decided to allow them to teach me whatever I needed to learn, and give me a story to tell that's more than just narrative.

When I joined Couchsurfing, all my friends who were on both websites were telling me that Couchsurfing was Tribe.net's next step. Not what I found, not so. After an intense Winter of activities with people from all over the world that included cuisine, travelling, explorations, teaching and sharing, creative group work, and sex, I can say that while it's true that both are two sides of the same coin, while Couchsurfing is about bringing the connection onto Meatspace, Tribe.net is about preserving the intimacy and profound spiritual surrender that an experience shared only intellectually/emotionally, such as a blog followed regularly, can grant.

I've taken kids from several countries visiting Madrid for walking tours and to my gay yoga'n meditation group. I've shared a kitchen and prepared brilliant food collectively with others. I've also been taken care of by "Internet acquaintances" when I was getting sick, and I've gotten laid with one guy I met there. While these things haven't happened with people in my Tribe's friends list, they certainly created a feeling of community and intimacy with people I met in my new home. Still, I can't find an appropriate time to discuss with them things I discuss so naturally here in my blog with these incredible people who read me, and leave me comments. Couchsurfing is a clean, silver mirror. Tribe.net is the black one, where I can gaze into the timeless wisdom of the Outter Space as it reflects my Inner landscapes.

As I've lived great adventures in the physical dimension of life with Courchsurfers, I've come to learn a lot about myself. About my resistances, about Relief, about my true skills, about my most sincere offerings. Probably as much as I've learnt by blogging, and certainly experienced just as much wonder as writing regularly. But connection isn't really complete.

So, I'm hoping that, even though Tribe.net is essentially dead, I'll be able to keep living my parallel life in the Dark Realms of Annwn, while remaining lord of Dyfed. One thing doesn't substitute the other. And the greatest blessings in life are showered on you while crossing the bridge between them.

Image: Òsùmàrè. Afro-Brazilian deity of Divination and the umbilical cord, the Rainbow Serpent who dwells in-between, and connects humanity with Supreme Divinity. He spends half of the year as a man, half of the year as a snake.

On the verge of Equinox

Happy St Paddy's/All Snakes Day, gang.

Today I woke up before four a.m. and couldn't fall asleep again. That's certainly strange to a heavy sleeper like myself, and also for Spain's usual times (everything here is later--bedtime, food, work--, especially because Spain is crossed by Greenwich, but insisted on adopting the timeline of the rest of the Continent); but in the light of my momentum, if it doesn't make sense that I feel less need to sleep, at least it means I might be feeling readier than usual. And boy, I am.

I've had a whole year virtually unemployed, except for some classes I've taught and odd jobs, and it seems that I was blessed with the gift of knowing how to use time from the day I was born. I have invested in many beautiful, important, urgent and spiritual projects that have come to generous fruition (except for Music, but, oh, well...) and now I've been feeling eager to step out of the coccoon again.

I've mentioned here in my blog several times how I've been managing to learn German so easily without a teacher. I've been meeting my German friends every week for six months now for our language exchange, and probably we will continue, so now I'm confident enough to chat with the Austrians in Busuu.com without looking up in a dictionary too often. I've also been given heads-up for a fabulous free online German course that has taken me to a level that would probably be considered intermediate. And I'm learning many songs in this beautiful language.

All my immigration paperwork is definetely taken care of, and despite the crisis and the long wait for the validation of my studies, much of my life is regularised by now, and I'm eligible for many jobs here in Spain. Or anywhere in Europe, really. That also entitles me to study, though not regular schooling or University degrees yet. For that, I'm still on hold.

I have been cooking like CRAZY. Together with Gay marriage, food is probably the only thing that makes me consider myself blessed for living in Spain, so I figured I might as well use the opportunity to earn something that will serve me for life. I've downloaded torrents and videos to perfect my tostatura and mantecatura techniques, and my risotto now is even more fabulous. I have prepared a wicked vegetables paella earlier this month for friends and strangers. I can make a dozen more different sauces that everybody I know in Brazil can--tomato, cheese, Asian, stir-fry. Vegan or with dairy. It all.

I can travel now, and I have, and I will. I've been such a prolific social animal in Couchsurfing, always solving blocks that a traumatic upbringing brought me, learning new tricks and words in many languages, shooting great photos and building up a profile there full of "medals": great references, vouches of trust, reliable connections. Now I have doors open for me pretty much in any country of the world.

Doesn't mean I'm already done: I still have two levels of my German course with Deutsche Welle to go before my Zertifikat comes, my travelling is about to begin tomorrow night on a bus ride to the Mediterranean, my all'onda technique still needs polishing (the ultimate goal is to become a master in all things Rice), I want to begin experimenting with Raw Vegan food now, and only in May Escuela Oficial de Idiomas will open for me to sign up for classes.

More important: when I'm back from Valencia next week, I'll be candidating for a possible job I've already got in sight. And I'm ready for even more sowing, sprouting and blooming with a paycheck. March 20th is Autumn where I was born, but I'm definetely a Springtime baby.

Hail Ostara!

Image: the first blossoms in my potted garden this year.

I Still Remember

Song Title Meme (stolen from Nisey)

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to people you like and include me. Try not to repeat a song title. It's harder than you think.

Pick Your Artist: Blackmore's Night (just 'cos they have just too many songs and that makes it easier, hehe)

Are you male or female: Faerie Queen

Describe yourself: Self Portrait

How do you feel about yourself: Ghost of a Rose

Describe where you currently live: World of Stone

If you could go anywhere, where would you go: Streets of London

Your favorite form of transportation: Wind in the Willows

Your best friend is: Village Lanterne

Your favorite color is: Shadow of the Moon

What's the weather like: Under a Violet Moon

Favorite time of day: Beyond the Sunset

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called: Queen for a Day

What is life to you: Castles and Dreams

What is the best advice you have to give: Where Are We Going from Here

If you could change your name, what would it be: Cartouche

Your favorite food is: Dandelion Wine

Thought for the Day: I Guess It Doesn't Matter Anymore

How I would like to die: Avalon

My soul's present condition: Home Again

The faults I can bear: Fool's Gold

My motto: Play Minstrel Play

Image from: http://picasaweb.google.com/jerrybrendle

Great Divination Game

[Stolen from Aster]

CREATE YOUR OWN ALBUM COVER!

1. Go to Wikipedia. Hit “Random” or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2. Go to "Random quotations" or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php

The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3. Go to Flickr and click on “Explore the last seven days” or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4. Use Photoshop or Gimp or similar to put it all together.

5. Post it to your blog with this text in the "Caption" and Tag the friends you want to join in. (You can un-tag yourself if you don't want this photo up.)

Adulthood, part two

Almost one year later, I'm back to that awful situation most people go through from time to time: job hunting. The general feeling is one I'm probably too used to, to not let it let me down anymore. But the intensity of the feelings of confusion and an overwhelming amount of dead-ends I've been facing lately, although not new, are certainly stronger than the best of me.

I've been feeling really lonely, with nobody to sit down and talk, vent, and maybe brainstorm with to find a solution to my personal crisis which, contrary the one currently advertised on the Media, is very real. I don't really have friends here that would sit down with me in a quiet atmosphere just to listen to me, and then share from the heart. The few friends I've made here all have their own turmoil, because they're all immigrants, too. The kids from Couchsurfing are not the talking kind; they're just folks to have a drink and laugh at nonsense with into the night. Then there's Jose's friends, who aren't really looking at me as a person with feelings and emotional blocks, after ten months being supported by their old friend. The Osho Zen Tarot is always an incredibly magical experience every time I check in with it--always the most comforting, the sweetest and the best feeling message for me regarding this issue. But then I check in on Infojobs.net, and absolutely everything advertised there is beyond my reach.

No, not really everything. I've candidated for some job vacancies. Me, and other 220+ candidates. That probably speak "native" Spanish and have a dozen more languages and specialization courses than I do.

The feeling of being useless is awful. I can't help looking back and thinking what an idiot I was to invest all my youth emancipating myself emotionally, while the other kids were building an ab-fab resume and dressing sharp.

This makes me feel like the ultimate loser to admit, but it's probably a reason I should touch the giant soap bubble and pop it: For ten years now, I've been working with text. Portuguese and English languages. That's what I've trained myself to do, to excellence. It's the only thing I do that has earned compliments, the only job I had that actually gave me anything of money, the closest I've ever been to supporting myself. And here I am, in a reality where none of this that I can, should and want to do are valued.

Portuguese in the business world is a split language. You've got the super-pure thing that's spoken in Portugal, Spain's underdeveloped neighbour who imports everything from it, and then you've got the modified gob that I was raised with in Brazil. Heaps of Brazilians in the market, albeit no actual professional interest in the language of Brazil, and in Portugal everybody detests our flavour to the language. Jobs that require Portuguese language always specify "Brasileños, no" (and not just translating, copy-desking, writing or communication gigs, but pretty much everything else).

Spain is fraught with US American kids trying to get a degree in Europe and travel cheaper in the Summer, and they all teach English and do everything I've filled a resume with for a living here (with much less pleasure). They're the English-speaking "natives". I'm nobody to compete in this race.

It's like you've been a lawyer your whole life, and suddenly you move to a place where there is no Law. Or like you've been nothing but a pianist, and you go to a place where they don't have pianos, music or whatever for you. You're suddenly null, you've got no lines, no part to play on the stage. And the play goes on.

I want guidance, and I've been learning that guidance is my feelings, my Emotional Guidance System. It says I should do what feels good. But I have no credentials, preparation or reputation to do what feels good in this country of super-serious, seriously concerned people, concerning anything I love to do. Which is basically language and Music.

I'll probably manage this all by myself, as I've always have, but I can't help being amazed at how cursed my professional life seems to be, wherever I am. In Rio, no jobs whatsoever. In Madrid, no qualifications in me.

How do I fix this, for once and for good? I've realised with Saturn's Return that my main deficiency in life is my professional situation, and I want to balance that pie chart.

Image: “Seed Spirit”, by Neil Turner.