Things I'm gonna do in 2006

Julia Cameron has taught me that writing makes it happen. For the past year-and-half I've been jotting down all my dreams and desires, and, guess what?, they've come true. Below are the plans and wishes I hope to achieve in the New Year.
- Learn to write songs. I mean REALLY write. Put the notes and the rythmn and the chords down on the staff.
- Get punctual and committed to my Training in the Anderson Feri Tradition of Witchcraft again. 2005 has been a really intense year that has turned my life Upside-down (a clear effect of the Feri Current), and I have gotten behind my Feri stuff somewhere in the middle of the road. But in '06 there is no other way: I'll be back on track along the Third Road, that leads to Feriland.
- Become more professional as a storyteller. I've been performing around every now and then, but I need to start rehearsing, studying, building a repertoire, finding a neat outfit to wear on stage, and getting my act really together. There're many opportunities for me to use and people are really enjoying my magic, but I need to be serious and focus on it.
- Join a band. I swear for God Her Self that if I don't join a band, I'll drown myself in the Pinheiros. (Can you read me, Paulo, Wallace and Mancz??)
- Enrol for Drama School.
- Get a vocal coach. Again. But this time it has to work!!
Last night and this morning I've been really enthusiated with the idea of beginning to study the Fiddle. I cannot afford a fiddle right now, but I never say never, and there's always the Mystery guiding me and my Art.
So mote it be,

Awen
Ps> And you? What are your aspirations for the emerging New Year??

This Year's Year-Ender!!

This year, the number of people receiving this message has been multiplied by three. It makes me happy and honoured to have more shining people being part of my life, whether on a more constant or sporadic basis, as both the reliable buddies of come-rain-or-come-shine and the inspiring visits have helped me make the year 2005 of the Common Era the best year of my life. For this, and for many other reasons, I should begin the message by thanking the kindness, the companionship and the loveliness that I have received from the incredible people I got to know (or know better) this year.
And the first of my New Year wishes is that you have always sincere and strong people around you, reminding you of your worthiness, of your singularity that makes you charming and essential, and of the flaws and addictions that you need to repair or overcome.
I also wish for each of us valorous and worthy adversaries, who force us to play clean and fair, and that teach us that the one and true enemy lies within each of ourselves.
May we conquer more freedom and autonomy, because depending on others is awful and Dignity is a basic need of the human being. But may we always have a warm hug and protection too, because it is equally necessary to weep and feel unconditionally appreciated.
Above all, may we learn to be unconditional in 2006. I mean, free of conditions. May we be assertive, authentic, free, spontaneous and committed to Happiness, because only when we are free from all conditions and conditionings we can see that Happiness is just before us all the time, imploring to dance with us the Spiral Dance of Existence.
Follow your Bliss in 2006!
Much Light and Shadows, much Love,

Awen

December 29th, 2005

A lesson on Self-Reliance

Amazing Awen has done it again--He survived Christmas!! Unfortunately, I am not back in São Paulo yet, but now I only have to wait till New Year's arrived and I'll be on the bus crossing the Dutra.
The celebrations with my family were painful as usual, all the fake interest in how you're doing, all the questions about your personal affairs disguising a desire to hear that I am doing badly, just to have more fuel for gossip. Oh yeah. THAT sort of people. Bleagh.
I forced my Self to go through that for two reasons: one, the CD my aunt was going to give me--and didn't. Second, I'm indebited with my parents for all the financial support they've given me after I moved to São Paulo. Materialistic, me? No way, it's just that emotionally nothing will compensate and reparate the damage of spending christmas here. And if you think I am materialistic, I really don't care. I'm in a recovering process, so I won't consume myself worrying about what you think.
For everybody that has come out on top of all Christmas garbage, congratulations! May next year we conquer our freedom from the emotional slavery our parents put us through.
Time to start thinking about the Year-Ender message for all my friends. Hmmm...
Photo: An Iraqi survivor.

The Joy of Boxing Day!!

Amazing Awen has done it again--He survived Christmas!! Unfortunately, I am not back in São Paulo yet, but now I only have to wait till New Year's arrived and I'll be on the bus crossing the Dutra.
The celebrations with my family were painful as usual, all the fake interest in how you're doing, all the questions about your personal affairs disguising a desire to hear that I am doing badly, just to have more fuel for gossip. Oh yeah. THAT sort of people. Bleagh.
I forced my Self to go through that for two reasons: one, the CD my aunt was going to give me--and didn't. Second, I'm indebited with my parents for all the financial support they've given me after I moved to São Paulo. Materialistic, me? No way, it's just that emotionally nothing will compensate and reparate the damage of spending christmas here. And if you think I am materialistic, I really don't care. I'm in a recovering process, so I won't consume myself worrying about what you think.
For everybody that has come out on top of all Christmas garbage, congratulations! May next year we conquer our freedom from the emotional slavery our parents put us through.
Time to start thinking about the Year-Ender message for all my friends. Hmmm...

Photo: An Iraqi survivor.

Hmph

Here I am, in Rio, on the verge of every year's worst experience. Christmas with my family. Meaningless loud chattering, gossip, mean remarks, all kinds of invasion in my personal life affairs and great falseness. I hate to have to go through this. Right now I'm using my sister's computer while my father snores like an old dragon in her bed. Soon, I'll receive instructions from my mother on how to behave... The plan is to one day be SO far that I won't have to be here for Xmas or New Year.

Celtic Music makes me happy!

I've got two new Celtic Music CDs. One is volume six of series 'Celtic Twilight', inspired by W. B. Yeats' terrific poetry book on the myths and legends of this wonderful culture I feel so deeply connected to, even from this geographic remove. In volume six, 'Celtic Twilight' features some of my all-time favourites--for instance the soulful and all-pervasive Uillean Pipes of Davy Spillane. Very few performers can spread their sound and awaken emotions all over my being like Davy. Also featured are Cappercaillie, Bill Douglas and the genious of fiddle, Alasdair Fraser, along with delightful surprises, such as Irish singer-songwriter Fiona Joyce. If you have the chance, check this lady out, she is a prime bard!
The other CD is the Corrs' new album, 'Home'. As largely advertised by the media, they are definetely back to their roots, Irish Folk. The album contains thirteen tracks, combining ancient melodies (like sixteenth-century 'Moorlough Shore' and 'Haste to the Wedding') and contemporary tunes written by interesting living bards (especially Richard Thompson and Anna McCarrigle). They are definetely not as traditional as the Chieftains or the Dubliners, but they sure are deeply rooted in the Ancient Celtic Spirit. I can read between the fat bass and the rich electronic percussion a strong influence from the sumptuous and avant-guarde renderings of Nightnoise, and the presence of the BBC Concert Orchestra surely agrandizes the music. 'Home' reveals a more mature Andrea and an even more creative Jim. Though Carolyne is a bit obfuscated by the magical drums and percussion of guest musicians, she is always the most charismatic of them all for me. And I am awfully sorry to say that it is not yet the time when Sharon, one of the grooviest fiddlers of her generation, has shown what she is about and up to. In time.
On time: Has anyone notice how frequent fresh water (rivers, lakes and the such) have been on my blog, poetry, storytelling and conversation lately? Hm.

Photo: Davy Spillane performing live in 2003.

I wish me Serenity

Just because my feelings do not match those of people on TV doesn't mean they're illegitimate.
That is the lesson I learnt last night, when I went to bed crying. I cried because I don't have an older crone or sage to rely on on an emotional level, and to teach me serenity and confidence. Instead, I have parents with great intentions but who just drive me more anxious, insecure and feeling like a loser who will never ever get anything right everytime we talk, even over the phone, one state away. I really think I could be a more fluent artist, and not a stammering childish tease if I had received some, ANY support early in life, and if I had it right now, I'd feel great.
Then I started crying because I was being childish and demanding and expecting too much from other people. And then shame, an old company, surfaced again. And I got really mad at myself, until I cooled down and discovered how I could wish myself more serenity.
Once I went to an Al-Anon meeting, and was enchanted how everytime someone ends a speech they wish everybody else '24 hours of serenity and sobriety'. I wish someone wished me that. Especially my parents.
This morning I read a question left on my blog by my fellow storyteller Karina, "where is the goldfish?" Immediately I let slip, "He's out in the Sea". He is independent now, but that doesn't stop him from crying sometimes. Thanks Goodness!

Poor River Goddess

Today, on my way to work I was dismayed with the sight of the beautiful river Pinheiros here in São Paulo. It is so dirty. How come we hurt our river so bad? For the Ancient Celts, the river was the Patron Deity of Society, as there could be no society without fresh water. And now we are pouring our sewers and our garbage on Pinheiros. How can Society go on if it does not respect its Patron Deity?

No Journey's End

I have been resisting the idea of having a blog for at least the past six years, but just this week it was striked by Inspiration to write about my daily fool's errands, my dreams, synchronicities, explorations and proof of my talents. If nothing, they will help me organize my thoughts better for my songs and my performance.
In some ways, this feels a lot like a swan song. A swan sings just before he dies, and it seems like after all the foul and fair things that happened to me these super-intense past three years, I am finally able to tell the story. But far from being a journey's end, this is the beginning of the cream.
The best is yet to come. Witness me.